Citizen Arrest

I have a thirty minute commute to work everyday.  Along that route, I very rarely encounter traffic.  Some days I may only see one or two other cars for the entire journey.  This story takes place on a Sunday morning around seven in the morning.  It was too early for the church crowd to be hitting the roads and it was late enough the drunks from Saturday night had already wrecked or made it home.

My drive is broken into three parts.  Part one is near town and is often patrolled by the law.  Part two is in the country and between two county lines.  If you see the law in section 2 they are often driving toward part one.  The last part of the drive is back in town where the speed limit drops again.

As I drove to work on this Sunday morning, the first car I encountered was halfway through section one of my drive.  A small pick up truck behind me. The truck couldn't have been more than one or two inches off of my bumper through this entire part of my drive. I could see clearly that he was irritated with my obedience to the speed limit.

As I rounded the corner and enter into section two of the commute I encountered the second car of the morning.  This car was moving very slowly in a 55 mph area.   With speedy Gonzalez still behind and pushing my bumper I was ready to get moving.  I waited for a safe area and then I passed the slow car on this two lane country road.  Two hills later I couldn't see either of the cars in my rear view.  Alone on the road, I turned up the radio a bit and  cruised toward work.

Just as I was getting closer to town (section 3) I started to see a few more cars.  Nothing noteworthy happened here until I passed a highway patrol going the opposite direction.  Just as we passed, I noticed in my mirror his brake lights pop on and I watched him make a quick U-turn.  There were two cars between the patrol and myself.  I checked my speedometer to be sure I wasn't leading this line of cars too fast - I wasn't.  Maybe it wasn't me.  I sat straighter in my seat, both hands on the wheel.  I watched my speed closer than normal.  It was like the principal just walked into class.

Ten seconds felt like ten minutes, but that's the time that had passed before the blue lights started flashing a few cars back.  The cars behind me pulled over, but it was obvious that they weren't the target as the law hit the gas to catch me.

I pulled over in a parking lot, rolled my window down, and shut the engine off.  I tried to imagine what offense I had committed as I watched him put his wide brim hat on and get out of the car.  Can they not speak to anyone without wearing "the hat"?  Does all of his power and authority reside in that wide brim?

When he approached my window he said good morning and then he asked, "Have you been drinking this morning?"  Was he serious? I was on my way to work.  Sometimes I wish I had been drinking before work, but on this day my drink of choice was coffee.  I pointed to my coffee cup and he smiled at me.  He said that someone called in a description of my car and my license plate saying that I was swerving in and out of my lane.  The caller said I was driving like I was drunk.  I thought back to the only two cars I had seen.  Mr. Bumper Cars or the elderly couple doing twenty MPH.

I talked with the officer for a minute about my drive to work.  He asked if I could think why someone would call that in about me.  He suggested I was doing some aggressive driving to irritate someone.  I told him about the car that rode my bumper all the way through town an the beginning of my drive.

The Highway Patrol officer said he didn't believe I was drunk.  He explained that he had to pull me over to investigate because someone called in.  I fully understood.  Then he wrote up a warning for me saying something about changing lanes.  After he had just seemed to take my side he was handing me a slip of paper.  It didn't feel quite right but I didn't argue.  I thought about the situation for a moment.  I was late for work, I was being issued a warning from the Law, and I was missing my favorite song on the radio.  All because of some jerk that wanted to drive like a friggin' maniac behind me.

I never realized that if someone was irritating you on the way to work you could randomly call the highway patrol and have them pulled over.  What a way to get even with someone!  If I think you are driving too slow, too fast, or I just am in the mood to ruin your commute, watch out.  I now know the secret!  That secret being that anyone, at my discretion, is DRUNK!

This is a small town and that jerk driving the small pick up is surely going to encounter me again.  For his sake, I sure hope he doesn't appear drunk (i.e. driving his car) the next time his gray truck is in my sight.  I'll have my cell phone ready.