As a manager at work, sometimes I'm not nice to people. I feel like I treat everyone fairly. Sometimes the day can wear on me and I lose patience. Sometimes people do things that don't make a lot of sense.
About a week ago, I lost my patience with a woman. She made a decision on her own that made me really upset. She wasn't really wrong in what she did, it was just that she did it without checking with me.
I was VERY upset with her on the phone. She tried to apologize but I wouldn't really let her. I ended the conversation by hanging up on her. I did it because I wanted her to know how angry I was.
After that night I was on vacation for a week.
This week I returned from vacation and today I saw that woman at work.
"Are you still mad at me?", she asked.
"No.", I answered. I was really surprised. I was mad that night, but an hour later I had forgotten all about it. She obviously was worried for the past week.
She got tears in her eyes as we talked about what happened that night. She was apologizing again. She really didn't mean to upset me. I assured her that I was mad at that time, but I certainly had forgotten it that same night.
She said she had went home and cried about it that night. Then she worried all week while I was gone about it. She even approached other managers and asked them why I hated her.
WOW.
I didn't realize I had that effect on her. I didn't want to have that effect on her. I wanted her to know I was mad that night because I didn't want her to make that decision again. I didn't want her to cry about it.
The conversation I had with her today and her tears today have really made me reflect on the effect I have on people as a manager.
4 comments:
Great lesson learn
buy her a small gift or flowers
to show her know how sorry you are
if you give her flowers you might need to buy something bigger for your wife afterwards. one thing that everyone has been telling me (and that i've read in all my books) about teaching is NOT to go into it trying to be the students best friend. it blurs boundry and authority lines. nice....caring....attentive..... but NOT best friends. its probably pretty much the same for you too, i'd imagine. if you're a manager, then you're responsible for others. good boundries and authority are healthy, right? but i'm glad you got a look into how much your opinion can affect someone else in the work place. sometimes a jagged pill to swallow. (still, in my humble opinion, flowers are unappropriate). let me know how it goes, ok.
I can tell you all for sure that flowers or any other gift are NOT going to be involved.
I wasn't wrong in what I said. I was wrong in my approach of losing my patience with her. I appologized that it upset her so much. I assured her that I don't hate her. That's the end of it. My post was about learning how I effect people and to consider that in the future. Trying to make friends with this woman is not part of the plan.
You are right, Abbie. I have friends at work, but they also know to seperate that relationship and when it is time to work I can be hard on them sometimes too.
Being a manager is a bit like being Dad. You don't want Dad mad forever, so you worry when he is. Or you erase the company hard drive. Whichever is easier.
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