The Talk

Cari told me that we had to have "the talk".  I knew it was coming.  She has warned me in the past that we would do it soon.  She told the neighbors that we were going to have "the talk" and she even visited the library to get a book about it.  

I resisted as long as I could.  I pushed the library books away and went about my business.  I pretended it would never have to happen.  

I was wrong.  

I sat on the couch with my kids and my wife and we opened the book.  The first pages described how boys and girls are the same.   The next page showed how boys and girls are different.   

You see where this is going... don't you?

Then there was the page that described in more details how a boy's body works.  I read it over some giggles.   Cari took over the reading for the girl's body page.  

The next part of the book described in the most gentle terms how babies are made.  Oh! I just wanted to be watching King of the Hill or American Idol.  How did I get caught up in this?

I told them how the sperm gets to the egg.  Randy went into shock. "You have to shove your ___  where?"

At the end of "the talk" we offered to answer any and all questions.  Meredith said she didn't want to talk about it anymore and Randy said he didn't have any questions.  When I heard that I disappeared from the room before they changed their minds.   And they did. . . .

Cari said after I left the kids started grilling her with questions.  

"You and dad do that?"

"How many times have you done that?"

All Cari could say before she ended the talk is, "We have three kids, right?"

The next night I was talking to the father of one of Randy's friends.  I warned him that Randy knows and might be tempted to discuss the birds and the bees.  I offered the library book to him and he refused.  He told me he wasn't going to have "the talk".  He figured since Randy knows the truth it wouldn't hurt if he (Randy) taught his friends.  

I told the guy to be prepared.  I was right to warn him because his wife borrowed the book from us last night.