No Secrets

This morning the pastor called the children up front for their regular children's time. They talked about Thanksgiving and being thankful. The pastor shared a funny story about a Thanksgiving dinner at his house. That's when Meredith had something to say. I always get a bit nervous when Meredith starts talking up there. She's unpredictable. Today she said, "My dad called the butter people".

What she was trying to announce to the entire church was about a time that I made a phone call during dinner.

The tub of Land-O-Lakes was on the table. I noticed on the lid the words, "contains: milk". It struck me kind of funny so I pulled out my cell phone and put it on speaker as I dialed the 1-800 number from the container. The kids thought this was great. When the automated menu came on, I started talking like it was a real person. "Why is there milk in my butter?", "Did the Indian woman wash her hands before making this butter?", "Can you come over and clean my room?", "Did you make the Indian woman milk a cow to get the milk?" Some of the questions were coming from the kids. We were all laughing pretty good about it.

A few nights later, the kids were prompting me to call again. This time I called the Heinz ketchup people. "Are you friends with the butter people?", "You don't put any milk in your ketchup, do you?", "Do you wash your feet before stomping on the tomatoes?" I had a whole conversation with the Heinz automated system because it tries to recognize voice commands of their menu. When it would say it didn't recognize my choice, I would say it louder and act like they were dumb. Then they transferred me to a representative. I got scared and hung up.

A few nights went by and I was asked to call more food vendors during dinner. This time Cari grabbed a Sharpie and blacked out all the phone numbers that were on the table that night.

That all happened a few months back, but it is still one of Meredith's favorite things to tell people. One night, we had guests over for dinner and when I asked someone to pass the butter, Meredith started laughing and said, "Don't give it to him, he'll call the butter people!"

After service this morning, I found myself telling this story as friends came up and asked what Meredith was talking about.

That's why I always put my head down when the children go to the front.